I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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