I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
