this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
