no, he came in my armpit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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