Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
even my farts smell like vagina
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
