i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
