is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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