i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
