why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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