the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's the barista slut.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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