i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
