I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
