So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
