Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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