Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
