if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
