And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
