the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
