the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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