and you said cock pushups were impossible
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
