just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
