How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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