i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
