Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
