i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize