Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
