just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
