There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
