my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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