I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize