You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
