i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
