We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
