i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
