Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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