Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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