I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
