It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
