Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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