Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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