Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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