Got a toothbrush?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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