When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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