what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my poor anus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize