It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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