im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
