This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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