I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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