Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
