then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize