She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
