at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
