You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
