no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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