Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
