Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
