He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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