Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
