I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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