So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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