You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do vagina's smell?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
