It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
