just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Still dying that you shit outside
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
