Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
