Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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