so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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