I hate your face
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
